With the help of their partner Jess, Joe fights an immensely courageous battle against terminal cancer and, through their story, reveals how adversity can change our understanding of intimacy. What lies ahead for Joe will be a challenging prognosis, as there exists no mend for this disease. He relies on Jess for emotional and financial support. The couple’s relationship exemplifies resilience as they navigate the complexities of love, physicality, and intimacy during an incredibly challenging time.
Cancer has taken a heavy toll on both Joe and his partner. At the same time, Jess is shouldering significant financial burdens as a caregiver herself. This all-important, yet oftentimes thankless role can be draining. Nonetheless, Jess remains committed to giving comfort and companionship and making certain that Joe never feels insufficient just because sickness cuts into their tactile engagement. “Even when my body refuses to cooperate, Jess never makes me feel like a burden,” Joe said.
Before Joe and Jess’s relationship, they both had distinct but poignant experiences with intimacy. Joe’s former partner had been with them since 15, but the spark never quite sparked into flame. On the other hand, Jess is established as hypersexual, and this doesn’t go away when Joe is diagnosed. Prior to the disease, the two had been a sexually active couple, regularly fulfilling intimate relations several times a day, further strengthening the couple’s connection of physical intimacy.
Even with the couple’s newly imposed limitations from their shared condition, and despite Joe’s vasectomy—the couple has found other ways to connect intimately. They’ve been open to receiving sensual massages and other forms of touch, which Jess tells me has been an important part of their healing process. “Touch is powerful,” Jess explained. “… it’s the way we’re able to be connected when other intimacies feel really difficult to have.
Nighttime spasming and hiccuping makes it so Joe needs to sleep in a different room, which interrupts Joe’s sleep. Yet, despite this physical distance, their caring connection has no bounds. Jess continues to find ways to bring joy to Joe’s life, often creating intimate moments even when conventional intercourse is not possible. They have explored using various toys and have developed new practices that allow them to enjoy each other’s company in alternative ways.
Through this journey, Joe has been forced to address and let go of physical insecurities that once held them back from loving themselves. As a result, I’ve learned to see myself in a different light,” Joe explained. Because even on my worst days, the love we have is greater than my feelings towards my body. This transformation highlights a core element of their relationship: Joe perceives Jess as a lover rather than merely a caregiver.
It’s been really difficult navigating living with cancer. Joe and Jess’s steadfast dedication to one another proves just how uplifting love can be even in the darkest of hours. Their relationship is built on deep respect and knowledge of each other, showing that desire can still be present and transform even when faced with life-changing events.