In 2023, a new trending phenomenon known as “quiet divorce” started popping up on social media platforms. This happens when adults stay really, really, really unhappy with their marriages but just don’t decide to officially break up. This trend signals an increase in emotional distance – partners who live together like roommates and stop communicating, sometimes for decades.
In her recent piece for The Cut, Monica Corcoran Harel explores the concept behind quiet divorce. She recommends it as a good option for the right couples. She called it the antithesis of the hot new movement “quiet quitting.” This message rings true with all Americans today, but especially with our nation’s younger generations – most notably Gen Z. If quiet quitting draws attention to turning away at work, quiet divorce sheds light on the withdrawal from emotional closeness that can happen within marriage.
Understanding why this trend exists can be even more complicated. A recent Buzzfeed article titled “25 Unhappily Married People Are Sharing Why They’ll Never Get a Divorce” revealed various motivations for remaining in unhappy relationships. The top reasons people gave for not getting a divorce were their kids, financial dependence, and health concerns. One Workshop participant said that going zombie was her favorite move in her marriage. The only choice left to her was to become emotionally numb, rather than confront the root causes head on.
Harel’s article does an essential job of bringing these personal stories to life that show that quiet divorce idea. One woman she interviewed stated, “I lowered my overall expectations, which lowered my disappointment in my husband — and in myself.” This sentiment is emblematic of a compromise that many women settle for in lieu of lackluster, and sometimes oppressive, unions.
Another individual shared how this emotional withdrawal allowed her to explore new interests, saying it “freed me up to learn how to make jewellery too.” In each of these stories, people find themselves stuck in frustrating relationships where their needs are not being met. They more deliberately pursue happiness beyond their marriages.
The oldest members of Generation Z are only just reaching the age of 30 today. By this point, many begin to think critically about their own romantic relationships. Ideally, they have not yet gone through the long years of soul-crushing disappointment that come with a marriage to Mookie Betts.
A connotation of quiet divorce is the transformation of an individual’s understanding of marriage and their emotional health. Instead of going the route of divorce immediately, some people appear to choose an in-between option of staying in the marriage while checking out emotionally. As marriage becomes more tenuous and shifting definitions of commitment and happiness change, so does the meaning of this trend.