After 20 years of addressing the complex questions surrounding sexuality, a well-known columnist has decided to conclude the “Sexual Healing” column. Today’s decision shuts the door on a big chapter in this ongoing conversation. More than a show with a provocative title, it came to symbolize the sexual shaming that has plagued generations. Her storytelling enchants audiences between the ages of 70 and 90. It proves that the desire for sex does not diminish, even as we get older.
For more than 20 years, this columnist has fielded thousands of questions. These questions intimate how the landscape of sexual desire or experience is shifting. Though society’s expectations tend to ignore and ostracize older adults, she has found a resilient drive among seniors to cultivate a robust sexual or intimate well-being. This trend puts a glaring spotlight on the need for frank, age-appropriate, honest discussions about sexuality — and that goes for all ages.
Evolving Questions Over Two Decades
Over her time in the role, the columnist has seen a distinct change in the nature of questions coming through. Over the past few years, a good share of the questions we’ve received have focused on advanced-academia relationship calculus, especially the multiple-hinge kind. This is indicative of a much larger cultural shift, where young people are rejecting the heteronormative narratives about relationships and sexuality.
The columnist remarked on this evolution, stating, “I don’t use the word ‘normal’ when talking about sexuality because it suggests that there’s a certain standard.” This lens sheds light on her commitment to honoring unique experiences and preferences.
Further, she said, low sexual desire has become a major concern expressed by her readers. Thousands of people feel the pain of unmet expectations from partners which causes them to feel ashamed and unworthy. Feldman underscored that as people get older, what they want and need is subject to change rapidly, adding another layer of complexity to these dynamics.
Addressing Quiet Desperation
Despite the progress made in sexual discussions, the columnist has expressed concern about the ongoing “quiet desperation” some individuals experience regarding their sexual issues. So many readers write asking for advice, at a time they feel most alone and perplexed about what they want.
That columnist’s mistake really showcased her lack of knowledge of the situations underlying readers’ queries. Sometimes, all she got was one perspective—which left her unable to give the well-rounded advice that her clients truly needed. As she reflected on her journey, she wished she had addressed the intersection of sexuality with serious disabilities or illnesses more extensively.
“Try to be truly honest about your own needs and accept them, rather than have expectations of what you should like.” – Sexual Healing columnist
This statement sums up her mission of guiding readers through their sex lives. She urges you to discover what’s true to your own hidden hearts and focus on that, instead of what’s expected or demanded by society.
The Impact of Ageism
In her last column, the columnist took on the pervasiveness of ageism in American life. Further, she investigated how this prejudice shapes views on older adults’ sexuality. She said because of ageist attitudes people can start to feel unworthy of sexual satisfaction as they age. This stigma can impede important conversations and acceptance of LGBTQIA+ sexual identity.
The conversation about sexuality often focuses on younger people, which can make it difficult for older people to feel seen and heard. By ending her own column in this way, the original columnist encourages others to find ways to keep these crucial conversations going.