In a world where genuine connections are often overshadowed by the pressure to impress, Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, introduces the concept of the "conversational doorknob." This innovative approach aims to foster more likable and relatable interactions. Hendriksen, author of "How to Be Enough" and "How to Be Yourself," emphasizes that conversational doorknobs can transform everyday exchanges into meaningful dialogues. She defines these conversational starters as anything that piques interest, reminds one of something else, elicits a question, or evokes a "No way!" reaction.
Hendriksen's insights draw from her extensive experience and training, including earning her PhD at UCLA and completing her training at Harvard Medical School. Her work has been widely recognized and featured in prominent publications such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, and BBC News.
Aiming for extraordinary conversations often leads individuals to appear distant or unapproachable. Gus Cooney, a fellow psychologist, notes that striving for "out-of-this-world conversations" can render people strangers to those around them.
"Aiming for out-of-this-world conversations — when we hold ourselves to the standard of appearing impressive or extraordinary or super smart — 'can make the people who have them strangers to everyone else on earth,'" according to psychologist Gus Cooney.
Conversational doorknobs serve as effective tools to break this barrier. They are not limited to grandiose topics but can be as simple as sharing personal or mundane experiences. Whether it's discussing a recent trip to the farmers market or recounting a memorable coffee run, these shared moments pave the way for deeper connections.
The concept of the conversational doorknob aligns with Hendriksen's broader work on self-acceptance and authenticity. Her books explore themes of overcoming self-doubt and embracing one's true self. Hendriksen's expertise extends beyond academia, having impacted readers and audiences globally through her published works.
"Ellen Hendriksen is a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. She is the author of 'How to Be Enough' and 'How to Be Yourself.' Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, BBC News, New York Magazine, The Guardian, Harvard Business Review, Scientific American and Psychology Today. She earned her PhD at UCLA and completed her training at Harvard Medical School. She lives in the Boston area with her family." – Ellen Hendriksen
Unlike traditional conversation starters that may focus on impressing others, conversational doorknobs invite participants to engage authentically. These elements can be derived from personal experiences or shared interests, creating an environment where everyone feels included and valued.
Adam Mastroianni, a social psychologist, adds that conversational doorknobs can be anything that captures attention or prompts an exclamatory connection of "Me, too!" This approach encourages participants to share relatable stories or observations, fostering a sense of camaraderie.
"Coined by social psychologist Adam Mastroianni, a conversational doorknob can be anything that piques your interest, reminds you of something else, elicits a question, or is 'No way! Me, too!' relatable. You get the idea." – Adam Mastroianni