In “Good Inside,” child psychologist Becky Kennedy calls compassion the root of good parenting. She’s convinced that building compassion is the key to raising the most resilient children. Through her recent commentary on platforms including CNBC Make It, Kennedy advocates for the support kids need while learning to understand and process their emotions. In particular, she teaches them how to manage disappointments. She finds that when parents react with empathy and acceptance, they cause their kids’ feelings to be real. This method serves to improve children’s important self-regulating abilities as well.
Kennedy asserts that a parent’s voice significantly influences a child’s self-talk, shaping how they perceive themselves and their experiences. She advises parents to validate their kids’ disappointment with soothing and affirming remarks. Rather than scolding kids for what adults might think is an overreaction, Kennedy knows that compassion is key.
“A parent’s voice becomes a child’s self-talk,” – Becky Kennedy
Dr. Kristin Neff’s groundbreaking research on self-compassion is the foundation of Kennedy’s philosophy. Neff explains why compassion is so important in developing emotional resilience. By approaching kids with empathy, parents can help children grow into mentally powerful, resilient adults. She recommends using statement actions, such as “It’s understandable” when validating a child’s big feelings.
“It makes sense. You’re upset … That is real. And I know you’re going to get through it,” – Becky Kennedy
Kennedy recommends that parents acknowledge their teen’s feelings but still send a clear message. Instead, she recommends replacing that with “It’s okay to be angry but it’s not okay to do this.” Using this preventative approach increases the chances of avoiding emotional meltdowns altogether while giving a nod to the child’s feelings.
She cautions against the myth that your compassion will make you vulnerable. Despite its effectiveness, most parents would agree that it is a “dangerous” way to train your child to handle emotions and conflict. Kennedy pushes back against this understanding by arguing that compassion is the root of self-regulation.
“It’s almost like we view compassion as dangerous,” – Becky Kennedy
Kennedy argues that children need to learn the art of emotional expression modulation. This ability is key as they encounter the inescapable obstacles that life will throw their way. She believes that when children learn to cope with big feelings through methods such as deep breathing or naming their emotions, they become better equipped to handle adversity.
“Controlling how emotions are expressed is a key skill they’ll need for life’s inevitable ups and downs,” – Amy Morin
In her keen way, Kennedy sheds light on how reactionary, critical responses to kids’ emotional outbursts are unhelpful and damaging. She explains how introducing shock or invalidation increases the shame and sadness, without reducing it.
“If I add my criticism, my invalidation, the feeling just gets bigger. It’s so counterproductive,” – Becky Kennedy
Kennedy’s observations are indicative of a more humane understanding among psychologists which emphasize the importance of compassionate parenting techniques. By fostering an environment where children’s emotions are acknowledged and respected, parents can cultivate resilience and emotional intelligence in their offspring.