As one woman told us after joining us for an energetic soirée with her 11-year-old daughter, painful memories of her own uncomfortable experiences in adolescence started to resurface. The birthday bash event did not disappoint, serving up an exciting evening of dancing and cake. She wowed the audience in a bold, statement making midnight-blue jumpsuit. Amidst the laughter and music, she engaged in friendly exchanges of compliments with other women and girls at the gathering. Only a few minutes later, a situation developed that reminded her of the difficult experiences she had once faced herself.
At the birthday party, guests were saying ‘Look at her beautiful eyes!’ and ‘Oh my God, what beautiful hair—so thick! As she received these affirmations, the woman thought about her history. When she was just 12 years old, she had a life-changing moment. Another man yelled, “look at the tits on her,” exposing her to sexual objectification. We learned later that this incident greatly traumatized her young developing mind.
Her meditations on the subject didn’t end there. At 15, working as a waitress, she encountered another uncomfortable situation when a manager at a cafe touched her inappropriately. Overcome by what had happened, she discreetly left the room in tears to phone her mother. Her mom rushed over and took her home, pretending it was because Anna forgot an appointment. As for her mother, she always just knew when her daughter had had an uncomfortable experience. She laughed then, just as she did when we talked about her daughter’s English class papers that usually ended with something like “finding my own self worth.”
Now, as a mother herself, she knows she wants to equip her daughter to confidently address those situations on her own. She empowers her daughter to stand up to unsolicited comments. Phrases such as “I’m uncomfortable with what you said,” “That’s not funny to me,” and just plain “No” give her the power to call you out.