A recent survey by Pew Research Center reveals that less than one-third of adults aged 30 to 49 have five or more close friends. As adults navigate the complexities of life, forming new friendships becomes increasingly challenging. A separate 2023 poll from the University of Michigan found that 34% of adults aged 50 to 80 feel isolated. Experts suggest specific factors can help adults forge meaningful connections, despite these challenges.
Author Mel Robbins identifies three key elements necessary for making friends as an adult: proximity, similar life phases, and shared values. In childhood, proximity was a given, as children were naturally surrounded by peers. However, according to 2018 data from Pew Research Center, more than half of Americans today do not live near or in their hometowns, complicating the formation of new social circles.
Being in a similar phase of life is crucial for connection. Robbins points out that "everybody's on different timelines," which often makes it difficult to find people in the same stage of life. Furthermore, aligning values is essential for a strong bond. Robbins notes that changes in personal priorities or beliefs can disrupt friendships:
"You can have fantastic energy with somebody, and then if you decide you're not drinking anymore, the energy is off. If you decide to get really focused on fitness, the energy is off. If you have very different political beliefs, the energy is off." – Robbins
To counteract these obstacles, Alison Wood Brooks, an associate professor at Harvard Business School and author of "Talk: The Science Of Conversation And The Art Of Being Ourselves," emphasizes the importance of asking the right questions to spark meaningful conversations. She suggests tailoring social invitations to fit others' lifestyles, such as avoiding asking someone who works late to join a happy hour. Brooks also highlights the significance of considering what one offers to a friendship:
"If you're trying to woo a new friend, you should really be focused on what's going to be rewarding to them about having you as a friend." – Alison Wood Brooks
Engaging in regular activities like attending a weekly farmers market can provide opportunities to meet new people. Robbins encourages joining others in activities they already enjoy as a way to start conversations and build connections:
"When you were little, you were in proximity to people your age all the time." – Robbins