Today, the concept of missed connections is enjoying a renaissance. Mixing this sense of nostalgia with the dynamic canvas of social media platforms, Francesca Beauman, a British historian and author, traces this phenomenon back to 1709, highlighting how the longing for human connection has evolved yet remained timeless. Her book, Shapely Ankle Preferr’d, traces the captivating history of lonely-hearts ads from 1695 to 2010. In doing so, it exposes how and why these ads are still able to find supporters in today’s global environment.
Of course, the allure of missed connections is never too far away in real life urbanism. Back in 2010, Craigslist estimated that almost 8,000 new ads were being posted every week to New York City’s missed connections page. Residents in growing urban centers crave social encounters that can lead to happiness or romance. Each of those new searches for serendipitous encounters serves as a reminder of that longing.
One particularly excellent example of this contemporary renaissance is Maggie Hertz, a longtime DJ at WFMU. According to the station, she’s the host of an all-cassette show called Cat Bomb! where she plays missed connections submitted by listeners who call in. Hertz describes her favorite missed connection:
“My favorite came in at three in the morning.” – Maggie Hertz
Tessa‘s lovely show beautifully distills that same spirit of longing and hope that marks so many missed connection posts. Hertz explained how one listener, who was likely tipsy and giddy, shared a story about a waiter at a Brooklyn diner who resembled Jake Gyllenhaal, revealing the excitement that accompanies such encounters.
This emotional openness, in its complexity and grit, is the archetype of the world that is created by missed connections. Francesca Beauman noted,
“There’s nothing more vulnerable than writing a missed connection.” – Francesca Beauman
Young people in particular have revived this tradition over the past decade, utilizing platforms like Reddit and TikTok to share their stories. That’s what real estate professional Layla Rivera, 29, found when she strolled into Reddit one fateful day. Fortunately for her, her boyfriend tipped her off to a missed connection post about HERSELF! The original message referred to her as “Layla/Leila (little girl with red top). This led her to meditate on the unpredictable turns of contemporary romance.
Rivera’s experience reminds us, they can be a whole lot of fun. She remarked,
“I would love to meet up and maybe try for him to catapult me up into the sky again.” – Layla Rivera
Her experiences, reflected in her optimistic perspective, are an excellent example of how these messages can help open real lines of communication. Rivera’s collab match goes in on the same Warped Tour date to DC, recurring on their collab next year. This is proof enough that missed connections can blossom into thrilling IRL reunions.
Similarly, Karly Laliberte, a 30-year-old sports marketing professional, shared her own experience of spotting a cute guy at Trader Joe’s in Boston’s Seaport neighborhood. She didn’t locate him, but she wouldn’t accept that answer. She had no doubt in her mind that she would be “100%” sharing another missed connection.
“It’s a stereotype that’s sort of true: we call it ‘Short King City.’” – Karly Laliberte
This tongue-in-cheek confession shows how humor permeates these attempts to find love—or friendship in this case. This combination of vulnerability and humor strikes a chord with everyone who writes and reads missed connections.
Missed connections, more than anything, are personal snapshots that immortalize the mystery of passing moments. One Redditor recounted their unreal experience of making a connection with someone while crowd surfing. The enthusiasm quickly disappeared when they chickened out on asking for contact info. The user lamented:
“I picked you up, but no one around me wanted to help you crowd surf so I awkwardly had to put you back down.” – Anonymous Reddit User
These paintings perfectly encapsulate the rush and fear of serendipitous encounters. They show the desire for more meaningful interactions where they are not just another number or meeting.
Even as nearby as Arlington, Virginia, the culture of missed connections continues to nurture a prevailing culture. A recent post sought a woman met at a bar while on a date with someone else, showcasing the lengths individuals will go to find someone they felt an immediate spark with, despite circumstances complicating their connection.
Colman Domingo’s experience deepens this narrative in an especially beautiful and profound way. In 2005, he connected with his now-husband via craigslist missed connections. This meeting serves as a reminder of how simple notes can lead to deep connections that last a lifetime.
What makes missed connections so appealing is, I think, the way they distill a brief moment into something lasting and beautiful. As Maggie Hertz noted,
“You move to a big city and are so filled with this hope for chance encounters and magical moments at every turn.” – Maggie Hertz
This feeling strikes a chord with so many of us who feel the stress of modern urban life but crave that connection. The act of posting a missed connection serves as an expression of hope and longing in a world often dominated by digital interactions.
Millions more are experiencing these feel-good blasts from the past. One thing is for certain, the quest for love and affection knows no bounds. Neither time nor technology. The missed connections of today echo the sentiments of those from centuries past, reminding society that beneath the surface of modern life lies an enduring desire for personal connection.