Lara Williams, a highly acclaimed emerging author, most recently for her short story collection Supper Club, had her life transformed in late 2014. Then that evening, she was celebrating with friends over cocktails her first book deal. What should have been a joyous occasion became bittersweet with the arrival of unexpected news. The next morning, Williams could barely hear her alarm clock due to a high-pitched ringing. That ringing has not left her since that day.
Williams had spent years in front of blaring concert speakers and banging away on bass drums in a marching band. She sometimes forgot to take measures to save her hearing. Initially, she thought the ringing associated with her tinnitus was only playing through her phone. After all, it was basically millimeters from her nose while she was sleeping. As the days wore on, it was obvious that this was her new normal.
“Man, was she wasn’t kidding when she said the first few days were tough,” Williams remembered. This unexpected invasion by tinnitus wreaked havoc with her day-to-day existence, making it hard for her to focus and doodle on the page. The persistent racket proved too much for her. This frequently causes feelings of distress, the natural response for anyone experiencing tinnitus.
To recover from the onset of her chronic illness in early 2015, Williams had started making regular retreats to Brașov, Transylvania. This journey was a spur-of-the-moment idea by her mom and sister and a perfect present for Sheryll’s 30th birthday. As she walked through the serene mountains towards the end of her trip, she suddenly realized that she could not see either of her companions. To her dismay, it didn’t take long before in that gorgeous setting, the profundity of just how isolating tinnitus can be dawned on her.
To cope with her symptoms, Williams started doing muscle relaxation exercises. She eventually went to the doctor and was prescribed a cocktail of antidepressants. Once the medications kicked in, though, they helped her path toward habituation—understanding how to tune out the noise.
“I hope I never hear silence again,” Williams said. I will forever be too busy to write. If I do, I am going to go insane by intrusive noise.”
Despite these challenges, she engaged in extensive research, reading online studies about tinnitus in an effort to understand her condition better. She found herself overwhelmed and used compulsive reading as an escape from her new circumstances. It became a source of frustration as she began to navigate its complexities.
In order to develop a more calming atmosphere that would aid in falling asleep, Williams began listening to brown noise. This new sound, accompanied by its calm, low drone, was a relaxing alternative. Named after “Brownian motion,” the random movement of particles in a liquid, brown noise became a substitute for the incessant ringing in her ears.
Over the last 10 years, Williams has had to learn to accept and adapt to life with tinnitus. Although it still plays a role in her daily life, she’s learned to work with it. Her journey reflects not only the challenges of living with a chronic condition but the resilience often required to adapt to life’s unpredictable turns.
Max Ehrmann wisely advised long ago in his poem “Desiderata,” “Go placidly amidst the noise. He implores us not to forget the serenity that comes with stillness. Few artists embody the idea of radical tenderness like Williams. That’s how she consciously looks for harmony amid the cacophony that is her everyday life.