A one-time high-class escort who left her profession four years ago. More recently, she recognized a friendly face on a trip to her neighborhood’s local library. A recent chance encounter with an older former client has piqued her interest. Today, she finds herself reconsidering the nature of their historical relationship and the potential for future engagement.
Sure, the author had developed a pretty tight relationship with this client over her decades long career. Though their meeting was short, she felt the experience was surprisingly positive. The two of them spoke for 15 minutes or so. Just before we went our separate ways, the client told me they wanted to stay in touch as friends. This proposal has us feeling as nostalgic as it has our author on how exactly to get there.
To gain a better understanding of her plight, the author reached out to Dr. Stephen Blumenthal. He is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst whose long clinical experience includes working with many men who had gone to sex workers. Dr. Blumenthal is familiar with various dynamics that can occur between clients and sex workers, noting that some men have successfully formed relationships with former escorts while others have faced significant challenges.
Dr. Blumenthal remarked on the complexity of such relationships, stating, “Situations where men have formed relationships with sex workers. Some have succeeded and some have ended in disaster. It’s impossible to know how things will turn out. There’s no predetermined outcome. Yes, most people assume the relationship between sex worker and client is just about sex, but I’ve heard many a time it’s less about sex and often primarily an emotional relationship that has sex as part of it.”
Last but not least, we loved how the author shared her thoughts about the event, and why she was happy to run into her former client again. She realised they needed to think about their historic relationship. Dr. Blumenthal emphasized this point, advising her, “It is to be fully cognizant of where the original relationship came from.” This reminder underscores the potential complexities involved in transitioning from a professional connection to a personal friendship.
As the author considers the former client’s invitation, she struggles with the larger issues involved in sounding the bell for the resumption of their relationship. While she may have feelings for him, she needs to consider the emotional risks she’ll have to take. The author acknowledges that the former client is understanding of her hesitations and is prepared to respect her decision if she chooses not to pursue a friendship.