Vanessa Van Edwards is a national speaker, behavioral investigator, and bestselling author. For 17 years, she has deeply immersed herself in understanding human behavior and the art and science of connection. As the founder of the Science of People, she investigates what sparks connections between strangers. Her expertise offers valuable insights into effective communication strategies that can foster trust and rapport in both personal and professional settings.
In her book Captivate, Van Edwards talks about the need to ask targeted questions if you want to connect with other people in a real way. She recommends a deliberate practice in engaging in dialogue, using specific questions based on each day of the week. For instance, during Mondays and Tuesdays, she recommends asking, “Did you do anything fun this past weekend?” This question is a powerful invitation to share their own experiences, and it creates a supportive, open tone for the week to come.
As the week progresses, her questions evolve. On Wednesdays, she advocates for inquiries like, “Working on anything fun or exciting this week?” This gives people time to think about what they’re working on and what they hope to do. As the weekend approaches, her queries shift to, “Are you doing anything fun this upcoming weekend?” This approach creates a double-whammy effect of making the technique highly shareable while generating buzz ahead of future engagements.
According to Van Edwards, trust can spark instantly in first meetings. That excitement can burn out just as quickly because of ambiguous messages. She illustrates the importance of non-verbal communication in building trust. A firm handshake communicates confidence and emphasizes your character qualities. On the other hand, a humble and open disposition encourages mutuality and fosters a hospitable space. A more closed posture might make for more suspicion and reticence in one’s relationships.
“What’s the highlight of your week so far?” is another question she often poses, designed to elicit positive reflections and deepen connections. Asking these types of questions will lead you to the best experiences to share and build a real sense of community.
As she lays out her findings, Van Edwards emphasizes how drastically small movements and gestures can shape our ability to connect with one another. She acknowledges that we all have our motivators, even if they come from a cup of coffee and an aspiration or simply the encouragement of earning a new cup of social media follower. Each of these examples enriches spontaneous encounters between people.
Her practical and inspiring approach speaks to all of us who want to be better socially and make deep connections with others. Continue reading Our shame and vulnerability have powerful, positive impacts on our work and lives, says Brené Brown
Edwards’ findings are more than just theories. They provide practical applications that everyday people can start using today. By being intentional with questions and mindful of body language, she encourages individuals to foster a culture of openness and trust.