Authoritative parenting, with its warmth, structure and high expectations, is the style most effective in raising healthy, happy and resilient children, recent research underscores. Jean M. Twenge, PhD, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of iGen, says this approach combines firmness with understanding. In turn, it allows kids to flourish in today’s increasingly sophisticated, high-tech world. In fact, almost 40% of 10- to 12-year-olds are active on social media. Given that the average age for getting a first smartphone is 11, smart parenting tactics are more important than ever before.
Her latest, Generations, is her fourth book exploring the influence technology has on today’s youth and the society at large. She points to authoritative parenting as the key ingredient for creating autonomous, socially wise children. She advocates for what Becky Kennedy would refer to as “sturdy leadership.” This full implementation of the “least restrictive environment” approach prioritizes making the child’s best interest decision soar even if it creates pain or anger in the process initially. This method reinforces safety and accountability in the parent-child relationship.
Authoritative parents are warm, but firm and fair. Authoritative parents establish clear rules and consistently enforce them, striking a balance between love and limits. Enforcing the rule of no phones in bedrooms at night builds parent-child relationships. In addition, it helps promote good sleep habits.
“My job is to make decisions that keep you healthy, even if you don’t like them right now. I get that you’re upset, but this is one of those times.” – Dolphin parenting
Dolphin parenting differs from authoritarian approaches such as “Because I said so,” as well as gentle parenting approaches. This gives children a structure that is both imperious and malleable. It promotes tenderness with toughness, which is key to keeping kids safe as they travel through their ever more digital worlds. Twenge’s book, “10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World,” provides further insights into how parents can adapt their strategies to meet the challenges of modern technology.
Smartphones combined with social media today are making that omnipresent. Consequently, children are bombarded with positive and negative influences capable of having a profound impact on their development. Too often parents say yes to their children’s first smartphone without understanding the risk to their children. Too much screen time can impact a child’s attention span, capacity to form authentic connections, and their sense of autonomy.
By understanding and practicing the core concepts behind authoritative parenting, caregivers can reduce the risk side of this equation. Through consistent communication and boundary-setting, they lead with accountability and compassion to ensure their child’s health and safety first. This focus on nurturing relationships provides a rich soil to grow student ownership. Kids who grow up in these environments tend to display extraordinary social intelligence and independence, setting them up to succeed later in life.
The empathy-focused nature of authoritative parenting fosters children’s autonomy. It shows them how to use their emotions and feelings to create the life they want. And they realize that although rules are important, so too are humanity and empathy. This union of the heart and mind lays the groundwork for building emotional intelligence, a skill that’s become increasingly necessary in our interlinked world.