Communications specialists have honed in on a few proven phrases that can allow people to call out incivility in an emotionally intelligent way. These phrases encourage civil and respectful discussion. They are not above encouraging the rude aggressor to reconsider their tone and choice of words. The guidance provided by communication specialists Kathy and Ross Petras highlights how simple, yet direct expressions can impact interactions positively.
In a world where communication often becomes heated, knowing how to respond to rudeness can significantly alter the dynamics of a conversation. Our experts’ number one tip, above all, is to stay cool and collected when responding to tough questions raised in a public dialogue. A key phrase recommended for such situations is, “Why are you using those words [or that tone] with me?” This question encourages the asker to put themselves in the other person’s shoes. It helps produce a climate where a more reasoned and civil exchange of ideas can happen.
Another helpful phrase is, “How you’re talking [or what you’re saying] isn’t very helpful.” This sentence provides enough context for you to call out the behavior without making the situation even more combative. Approaching it with the aim of making an impact with the term’s connotation though makes for a much more fruitful discussion. Taking this approach prevents a personal attack.
Most importantly, the experts recommend the power of civility and politeness to help diffusing confrontation situations. An expression of, “I’d prefer if you didn’t [say/do] that,” functions like a courteous ask. It draws a firm line in the sand without escalating the argument. Language like this allows you to convey disappointment while still creating a feeling of mutual respect among those at the negotiating table.
In instances where volume or aggression escalates, the phrase, “Can you lower your voice [or change your attitude]?” becomes crucial. It goes right to the action that’s making you feel uneasy and creates a moment to reset the tone of the discussion.
Writers Kathy and Ross Petras aptly pinpoint the importance of acknowledging feelings in these transactions. They ask, “You look upset today, what’s going on? This strategy is a perfect illustration of common sense and compassion. This allows the other party to build on your opening move and react with more positive feelings.
Besides combating incivility, the specialists urge everyone to thank people when they have candid conversations. Phrases like, “I’m glad you’re sharing your perspective with me,” can help ease tension and affirm that all viewpoints are welcome. Validating the validity of someone’s feelings helps to create a sense of safety and trust, which opens the door to deeper conversations.
The couple further advises using reflective statements such as, “That’s definitely a way of looking at it.” This kind of response goes a long way towards making the public agency employee feel heard. It suggests that there are better, more creative ways to reframe the debate.
Additionally, when discussions start to get particularly contentious, being able to adjust the atmosphere can be critical. The phrase, “Let’s reset the tone a bit so I can really focus on what you’re saying, not on how you’re saying it,” serves as an effective strategy to shift focus back to the content of the message rather than the delivery.
Finally, to redirect discussions toward collaboration, they suggest asking, “How can we focus instead on making this work well for both of us?” This question focuses on finding a solution instead of creating opposition, helping to foster a more peaceful resolution.