The concept of open relationships is gaining traction as societal norms shift, prompting discussions around their potential benefits and pitfalls. Psychotherapists and psychoanalysts alike have observed a marked increase in couples pursuing consensual non-monogamy. This new trend points to how the nature of relationships are changing in today’s world. Katherine Cavallo and Juliet Rosenfeld, especially, illuminate the emotional nuances and societal consequences of this changing terrain.
To Kathy Cavallo, an experienced psychotherapist specializing in nonmonogamy, having an open relationship saves some couples. She cautions that these setups introduce their own complications. She outlines the dangers, emotionally and otherwise, of being new to an open relationship. This is particularly the case if one partner has cheated in the past.
“It’s bound to be problematic going down that route,” – Katherine Cavallo
Cavallo’s key takeaway is that problems sometimes come disguised. This is particularly the case when folks attempt to swing their relationships open to “repair” issues that run deeper. She asserts the importance of maintaining the existing relationship dynamic, stating, “The existing relationship, the attachment between the couple, needs to be maintained as well.” Furthermore, she cautions that jealousy and insecurity are normal feelings in these situations which require constant communication and readjustment.
Juliet Rosenfeld, a psychoanalyst and author of “Affairs: True Stories of Love, Lies, Hope and Despair,” adds another dimension to this discussion. She is both complimentary and critical of the open relationship model. Rosenfeld argues that the growing acceptance of such arrangements is part of a wider societal trend where traditional notions of coupledom are radically shifting.
“In marriage now there is feeling that people want the other person to be everything – a partner, best friend, teammate, lover – which is very pressurising,” – Juliet Rosenfeld
Rosenfeld paints a troubling picture of increasing demands on partners to serve in various capacities. This relentless pressure frequently drives many couples to consider open marriages to help ease the heavy burden. “So one way of looking at an open marriage is it’s a way of taking pressure off that,” she notes.
Katerina Georgiou, psychotherapist and senior-accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy agrees wholeheartedly. She identifies an important distinction to make here between polyamorous people and heteronormative couples that decide to open up their relationship. Georgiou describes the current therapeutic challenge: “It’s a challenge for therapists because there is a much wider range of ways to be in a couple now.”
She notes that more and more people—especially women—are shirking the old-fashioned expectation of monogamous unions for life. “A monogamous lifelong relationship is simply not what a lot of people want,” she states.
This increase in open relationships tracks with overall declining marriage and birth rates in the UK and the rest of the world. In addition, the share of adults in England and Wales who had never set foot in a legally recognized partnership increased dramatically. It rose from 26.3% in 1991 to 37.9% by 2021. This rising view and reality reflects a larger demographic shift in society towards openness to non-monogamy and other relationship structures.
Experts warn that opening yourself up to a new, non-monogamous relationship involves a lot of thought, discussion, and preparation. People will often feel pressure to pursue these lifestyles because of social repercussions, like judgment for engaging in monogamy when it becomes “too vanilla.” Rosenfeld remarks on this trend: “People are being more liberal, but I think there’s some people maybe being pressured into it.”