The new television series “What It Feels Like for a Girl” offers a harrowing glimpse into the life of a 15-year-old named Byron, portrayed by Ellis Howard. The show captivates audiences with its unflinching portrayal of identity, love, and the relentless quest for self-affirmation set against the backdrop of Nottingham’s nightclub scene.
Byron’s journey starts when he tries out the local nightclubs and discovers a new paradise filled with beauty but peril. The personality we see is defined by cleverness and boldface lies. It’s a shade revealed to his deeply vicious soul. This intricacy is richly complicated by his relationship with Max, his first love, who acts as Byron’s pimp. The evolving nature of this relationship provides a powerful example of the distinction between love and abuse.
The series hardly pretends to gloss over Byron’s destructive impulses, often leading him to the edge of violence. These crucial encounters are propelled by his need for self-affirmation and pride, highlighting the internal battles that he endures. Similarly, as stormy as Byron’s life proved to be, his domestic environment was no better. His mother is portrayed as selfish and dangerously neglectful. At the same time, his father represents a sort of toxic masculinity, which David argues erodes Byron’s identity. The father’s violent attacks on Byron for being a “bender” highlight the extreme pressures young individuals face regarding their identities.
Even with these obstacles, Byron finds comfort in a supportive community of friends called the Fallen Divas. This sordid crew includes Lady Die, Sasha, Sticky Nikki and Dirty Damian. They connect through their shared experiences and support one another as they find their identities. Lady Die beautifully expresses the spirit of acceptance among this group when she says,
“pride that he actually thinks I’m a girl.” – Lady Die
Byron expresses his gender identity through exploration, often walking around his neighborhood in women’s attire. This decision irrevocably alters her understanding of sex and intimacy. He undertakes sex work and cottaging, executing sexual activities on strangers for payment. The wealthier clients on whom he ultimately hopes to capitalize on his success push him, further ensnaring him in this world. It is in this part of his life where we see the grittier, more sinister side to surviving in the underground.
As Byron rises in this cutthroat trade, Max starts pursuing him more deliberately to establish himself in service of high-paying people. This kind of dynamic brings up issues of agency and exploitation in these types of relationships. Byron finds comfort in his grandmother, whom he fondly refers to as “Mommar.” She’s his only solace as he starts to explore his true self with the Fallen Divas. Her presence provides a flicker of light through the dark tunnel of chaos and trauma that consumes Byron’s world.
The poignant story tells the tale of Byron’s unquenchable thirst for substance. It draws attention to the innumerable love stories that animate his life within the city’s vibrant nightlife. Yet even with all of its lightheartedness, the show tackles some very deep themes of loneliness and identity. It emphasizes the universal search for acceptance in a society that often fears or shuns those who defy norms.