The narrator’s partner Rory, a trans man, provides both literal and emotional comfort that goes deep. Together, they face the harsh truth of terminal illness. Their long journey started with a few initial steps, when the author was 36 years old. At the time the narrator met Rory, he’d never had an orgasm during sex. Through his devotion, the intimacy they created together became a vibrant, life-giving pleasure. Whereas our narrator’s ex-husband didn’t care about his partners’ sexual pleasure, Rory is focused on making sure his partners experience pleasure and are happy.
Their relationship is marked by regular lovemaking, a connection that has only intensified since the narrator’s diagnosis. They’re making love every few days, regularly and easily, once again more often than prior to the storyteller getting unwell. Rory and I still value and nurture our relationship. It offers them a rare and beautiful way to get away from the all-consuming weight of sickness.
An area of his liver, where his cancer has clustered, is visible under his skin, as well as a prominent scar from a past surgery. Even with such knowledge in mind, the chronner does not avoid these environments when getting down and dirty with their sweet fellows. Rather than question him, they welcome Rory with open arms, making sure he always feels loved and consoled. This kind of radical acceptance breeds a gracious camaraderie in suffering.
The two establish a nightly ritual, with the narrator rubbing Rory’s wrist to help lull him to sleep. This seemingly small gesture speaks volumes about the powerful connection they’ve crafted together. For them, sexual touch is an emotional salve, a temporary getaway from the harsh realities of their sicknesses.
In January, the narrator received devastating news: they only have months to live. Even with this prognosis, they go into each day with Rory at their side. Recently, they developed numbness in their lower extremities. In light of this new symptom, they decide against visiting a medical provider. Their priority continues to be keeping the emotional thunder of their relationship with Rory intact all the way through to the finale.
Rory’s health is very much in focus as his battle with cancer continues. Here’s the narrator’s account of how they are navigating the emotional and physical journey to stay connected with Rory as he makes his uncertain trek forward. They wish for Rory to remain soothing them with her body warmth and her bodiness. Though she can no longer do penetrative sex acts with him, the sweet touch of her skin will provide him great comfort and happiness.