Lucy Rout, founder of Haystack Dating, is changing the game. She uses art, creativity, and imagination to design dynamic experiences that bring people together in-person and in-meaningful ways. No wonder she has a huge following of almost 50,000 on Instagram. Armed with this engaged online community, she was able to generate successful early sales for her new, unique endeavor. Frustrated by traditional dating apps, Rout aimed to alleviate the emotional toll often associated with them, fostering a space for genuine connections.
Rout’s own experiences using dating apps brought her to a place of “dating burnout.” As she grew more discouraged, she experienced a lot of ghosting and had to deal with online sexual violence, which took a toll on her confidence. “That’s exactly where I got to. I got to dating burnout. She thought about it and she said to herself, “I’m tired of putting up with this I’m going make it better for other people.”
Knowing that many singles were keenly aware of their growing need for ingroup face-to-face interactions, Rout released Haystack Dating. The platform hosts events in London, where participants can engage in activities such as cricket or touch rugby for an hour before mingling with fellow attendees. The gatherings are free, though attendees pay about £30 ($39.85) to participate in the events, which have drawn from 200 to 500 participants per event. 92% of attendees come solo, showing the need for genuine connection beyond the internet.
As depicted in the book’s title, Rout is committed to ensuring that these connections become a reality. Her conviction is that people are nicer to one another face-to-face than they are online. There is no way in hell that IRL their punk asses would’ve had the gall to say to me some of the things I received on dating apps. People behave better. They’re kinder,” she remarked.
Yet the success of Haystack Dating must be credited to Rout’s long history of research into relationship psychology. “I researched the parameters that lead to meaningful connections and tried to understand a lot more about the psychology of how people work — introvert versus extrovert, effort levels, career ambition. I spoke to hundreds of people about it and I came up with this current algorithm, which we’re always optimizing,” she explained.
Rout’s method is all about tying technology to social interaction. It seeks to increase its participants’ likelihood of finding love by designing environments to foster connection in the best possible way. “What we absolutely can do is increase the chances and put people in the right environments where they feel safe and included,” she said. “Use a bit of tech, use their similar interests and bring them together, and just make it less of a needle in a haystack and more of a needle in a sewing box.”
“The power of Rout’s Instagram community should not be underestimated.” Whilst I’d say initial sales definitely were driven by my Instagram community, you don’t go back if you’ve had a bad experience,” she noted. While not releasing any hard numbers, she did verify that Haystack Dating has experienced a 90+% return user rate.
In December 2023, Rout found out just how mighty her platform can be. She even met her now-boyfriend through the program, at an entrepreneurial speed-dating event. Their romance quickly blossomed, leading to Rout flying 10,000 miles for their fourth date. This personal connection has deepened her already strong belief in the power of real-life, face-to-face interactions.
Although currently only available in London, Haystack Dating is looking to extend its reach soon. Next it moves to Leeds—then eventually rolls out across the rest of the UK. Rout and her small team of six have taken great care to build a robust matchmaking algorithm. They are determined to design their events so that authentic relationships can flourish among everyone involved.
The digital dating landscape is changing more rapidly than ever before. Lucy Rout’s Haystack Dating reminds us that, yes, people do want real, honest-to-goodness human contact. These questions really get to the bottom of how Haystack Dating prioritizes the emotional well-being of its users. By providing a guided experience for connecting with new friends, it finds a unique place that sits between online and in-person dating.