Marina Lopes, a new resident of Singapore, has drawn on her diverse experiences from around the world to offer insights into parenting in her latest book, titled “Please Yell at My Kids: What Cultures Around the World Can Teach You About Parenting in Community, Raising Independent Kids, and Not Losing Your Mind.” Lopes, who moved to Singapore with her husband to be closer to their best friends, Jeremy and Melissa, found that communal living significantly eases the challenges of parenthood. In her book, she shares lessons learned from various cultures, demonstrating how different societies approach parenting and the sense of community that supports it.
This new book goes straight to the heart of the modern parenting paradox, focusing on what other countries are doing in strikingly different ways. Through Lopes’s lens, parenting is a common battle. Yet, he observes, the sense of isolation that is the hallmark of American life is not shared by the same extent elsewhere. Lopes’s journey from Brazil to Mozambique and back again. In this conversation, he looks at what collective action can do to touch the lives of the parents of young children.
Lessons from Around the World
In Brazil as well though, Lopes discovered that new mothers enjoy an amazing support network during their childbirth experience. Indeed, 40 or more people can be present at a C-section! This boisterous ode to the ties that bind emphasizes the deep cultural roots of communal care at major milestones. Lopes to remember how these practices surround new mothers with security and companionship. This has been in sharp contrast to the lonely journeys that a lot of others have gone through.
On the practical side of parenting Lopes focuses on positive impacts in Sweden where fathers are 70% responsible for cleaning and cooking. This shared responsibility leads to more equality in the home. It also provides children with role models while they engage in activities that already require and actively encourage teamwork and collaboration. By observing these cultural practices, Lopes encourages parents to involve all family members in the everyday tasks that sustain a household.
In Mozambique, Lopes was surprised at the extent to which children help manage their families’ homes. From an early age, children help with chores teaching them personal responsibility, work ethic, and self-sufficiency. Motivated by the Swedish method, Lopes incorporated these practices into her routine with her children. She empowers them to do more at home, doing age-appropriate cleaning and pet care tasks, building their sense of belonging and capability.
Parenting Practices in Singapore
Since moving, Cindy Lopes has leaned into Singapore’s parenting culture, but is making an effort to bring her family’s values to the process. She often finds herself at school pickups as one of the few mothers present, largely due to the active involvement of grandparents in childcare. This form of generational support is helpful in easing the burdens on parents. It opens up the space for children to benefit from well-developed relationships with their extended family.
Lopes recognizes that this newfound participation will boost her kids’ sugar consumption and screen time. It’s not just about making their work life easier. Grandparents can provide invaluable support. Grandparents have a way of bringing experience and age-old wisdom that helps balance a parent’s approach. In Singapore, Lopes has discovered that integrating her cultural practices strengthens the upbringing of her children while creating a networked community.
Lopes has learned from Dutch parenting styles by allowing her kids more independence. In the Netherlands, parents often send their kids into the woods during summer camps equipped only with a flashlight and snacks. This freedom fosters children’s autonomy and self-sufficiency. Such a difference from the helicopter parenting that often prevails in other parts of the world.
The Importance of Community
Across all communities, Lopes has found communal living greatly reduces parenting burdens. Her pandemic experiences led her and her husband to seek out a larger social network of supportive friends and family. This change allowed them to reach other families struggling as they were. As a foundation, they formed an effective coalition that focuses on the role the entire community plays in building healthy children.
Even in Finland, Lopes pointed out, parenting is considered a group activity. She recognizes that when parents share responsibility, they can better provide for their children and families. Though she did not focus on particular practices, her set of solutions underscores the need for cross-sector collaboration. The belief that it takes a village rings true in all cultures. It reinforces Lopes’ hunch that community is key to good parenting.
The Iban tribe in Malaysia really takes the cake when it comes to community spirit! They live in large longhouses with multiple families eating, working and caring for their children together. Lopes highlights how such communal living fosters strong bonds between families and promotes collective responsibility for child-rearing.