Famed happiness researcher Mo Gawdat shared his revolutionary “90-second rule” while being interviewed on the “High Performance” podcast. Watch this deep-dive conversation that happened on June 17 above. This concept aims to help individuals manage their emotions in the face of challenging situations, particularly those that evoke anger or anxiety. Gawdat’s insights serve as a guide for navigating life’s emotional hurdles more effectively and promoting a more fulfilled existence.
The “90-second rule” posits that when an upsetting event occurs, individuals should allow themselves just 90 seconds to fully experience their emotions. After this short-lived euphoric state, Gawdat argues that a protective mechanism goes into effect. This gives riders the opportunity to look at their specific situation in a less biased way. He discusses the need for this practice to deepen emotional literacy and well-being as a prerequisite for inner and social transformation.
During the podcast, Gawdat remarked, “Ninety percent of the things that make us unhappy are not even true.” He went on to say that a lot of our distress comes from our misunderstandings, or just assumptions about other people’s intentions. When a partner makes an insensitive comment, it’s quick to assume they don’t care. If so, this can needlessly torment both women and men.
Gawdat’s method urges individuals to focus on their responses during challenging circumstances. In his view, accepting the ways they adapt to hardship is key to getting them on the path toward joy and purpose. “It’s your choice how you react to every one of them … It’s your choice to set your expectations realistically,” he noted.
The motivation for creating the “90-second rule” is extremely personal for Gawdat. Following the tragic death of his son Ali, he began to explore ways to cope with grief and emotional turmoil. This transformational experience ignited a fire within him to create practices and experiences that foster emotional resilience. He later unpacked these strategies in his international bestselling book, “Solve for Happy.”
In his talk on creating habits, Gawdat cited a 2009 study by Phillippa Lally. In fact, this study showed that it can literally take someone between 18 and 254 days to establish a new habit. This underscores the profound, long-term benefits of making the “90-second rule” a daily practice as a way of building emotional health.
Gawdat acknowledged that we make ourselves miserable by staying miserable, ruminating and rehashing awful thoughts over and over. “But then what happens is, you run the thought in your head again, and you renew your 90 seconds,” he explained. This is a perfect example of how the cycle of negative thinking can stop any steps in defiance of emotional healing.