British comedian Paul Foot, known for his surrealism, absurdity and acerbic wit, shares his mostly perilous path. He’s had to confront profound depression and trauma in the process, but he’s done so with courage. At the age of 43 in 2017, he reflected on a life marked by significant challenges, including sexual assault, chronic anxiety, and a profound depression that lasted 28 years. Foot’s remarkable story is one of creativity born of resilience, and ultimately, of liberation.
Anthony Foot was born and raised in Buckinghamshire along with his younger brother. One unfortunate event from his youth would haunt him and shape his life for years to come. Even at that young age—he was 11 years old at the time of his sexual assault—the experience would leave deep scars on his psyche. As he moved through the challenging years of adolescence, the impact of that trauma was starting to become evident. By the time he was 17 or 18, James found his reprieve in comedy. He learned to be the class clown and had a natural sense of humor that would eventually earn him a career in standup.
Foot shared multiple near-death experiences during this harrowing period. One especially extreme case included six hours spent on the toilet from a nasty bug. These experiences helped to sharply impress upon him the reality of his mental and physical state. Those questions led him to reassess life’s fragility and the extent of his pain and suffering.
In a twist of fate, it was while driving through the suburbs of south Manchester on a Sunday afternoon that Foot experienced a transformative moment. He called it an epiphany because it shed light on his years of experience with depression and anxiety.
“I had solemnly promised my friend that I would never do anything terrible to myself,” Foot recalled, highlighting the importance of connection and commitment to life during dark moments. His inner dialogue during these years was often harsh — “You stupid idiot, Paul. Why did you make a mistake? You can’t get it right,” echoed in his mind.
Even in the face of these difficulties, Foot reached out and underwent therapeutic treatments that focused on promoting forgiveness and self-love. He vividly remembered a therapist’s advice: “Well, Paul, you must forgive yourself as well, blah, blah, blah.” It was during these sessions that he started facing his trauma and moving toward healing.
This change of heart came after many years of battling to change the culture. He spoke about reaching a state where he found joy: “It’s the end of suffering and it’s right there.” It was a critical turning point in his mental health story. He recognized that he had more or less forgiven himself for past mistakes, though he came to understand that true forgiveness requires complete acceptance. “I’d like, 99% forgiven. But you can’t 99% forgive. You’ve either forgiven or you haven’t.”
As he reflected on his journey, Foot acknowledged the complexity of existence: “There must be a soul because if we’re just all collections of cells and chemical impulses, then what does love mean? What does sadness mean?” This deep thought made him a proponent of developing emotional ties and valuing the human experience.
First, Foot considered everything that had happened in the three years and four months since his last interview, supernatural good fortune. His story of going from suicidal, “crushing, all-encompassing depression” to joy was riveting. Yet somehow his passion and good humor for comedy survived even with the grim reaper overshadowing his life.
“Obviously, I’m not going to do a show about that,” he noted with characteristic humor. I mean, come on, there’s nothing funny about having 28 years of depression and anxiety magically evaporate one day.
Foot’s story has become an encouragement to countless others dealing with their own mental illness. He hopes that his journey will show others that healing can be found in self-discovery, therapy and eventually living in joy after the pain.