Scott and Bruce, fraternal twins, have been often described as two sides of the same coin. By the time they hit their teenage years, that relationship grew fraught and began to break. Their story explores profound themes of family estrangement. Added pressures from the outside world and internal emotional battles cause a chasm of pain between family members.
From an early age, Scott and Bruce shared moments of childhood joy, frequenting the cinema together, where Bruce would often hide behind a seat in nervous anticipation. As Bruce entered his teen years, he became more determined to choose his own path. This abrupt transition led to intense conflict between him and his sibling. This change signaled the opening shot of a decades-deep chasm.
The estrangement hit a critical tipping point when Scott mailed Bruce a cheque with his customary cut of residuals. Bruce didn’t like it, so he sent it back, indicating just how much he wanted to cut bait. This act was about more than money – it was an intense denial of their once-strong relationship.
Over the years, Bruce learned the joy of liberation from his father’s oppressive grip. He was in anguish from the wound of having lost his mother, who he felt had been unjustly turned against him. Even now, his memories of Scott were over-colored with that hurt, remembering the deeply hurtful things she’d told him on their few and far-between reunions. In 2020, Bruce found himself feeling something igniting inside him—an urge to make a change.
According to US adult statistics estrangement is a common lived experience. In reality, one in four Americans say they’ve severed a family relationship. Specifically, 10% are estranged from a father and 8% experienced similar estrangement from a brother. This unusual occurrence has piqued the interest of scientists. Karl Pillemer, professor of human development at Cornell University, is diving deep into the morass of complex family relationships and exploring the hope for mending fences.
“Common to most estrangements is a ‘volcanic event’ where pressure has built up to a single trigger,” – Karl Pillemer
The reality of familial relationships can often be dark and twisted. Lynne, yet another person looking back at her own family tree, lived through her parents’ divorce at only eight years old. She has articulated her sense of loss and disconnection in ways that hit hard for those who’ve suddenly experienced that fate.
In a second example, Choi’s challenges illustrate the psychic costs of estrangement. At 17, he lost a life-threatening battle, and the house was no longer home. When he was finally reunited with his father, the horror was complete – his father did not even know his son. This painful truth highlights the emotional gulfs that can grow between families.
Oliver and Henry, two brothers with a long history of disconnection, sense the deep and very real threat to connection. In this film, they share their journey to reconnect and rebuild their relationship. Although Oliver was the first to open contact several times, she bore the brunt of the rejection in spirit.
“It was always me initiating things; he didn’t once pick up the phone and ask how I was. Rejection is never easy but with family it hits harder,” – Oliver
Oliver’s journey is a story familiar to many who struggle with obedience to family ties. He lived to regret the silence that held them apart. He wished there was better dialogue, better communication and more empathy from their parents in understanding what they were going through.
“My parents knew but they didn’t say anything; I kind of wish they had,” – Oliver
As people take their own steps on the path toward reconciliation, many find that the hardest battle takes place within, making the sting of separation even worse. Oliver was aware of the pain his brother was going through but was too afraid to contact him first because he might be rejected.
“I thought I was setting myself up for rejection. I learned from family members he was suffering with his own problems. There were things I wished I could share,” – Oliver
In considering familial relationships’ fragility and potential for healing, Bruce’s story serves as a reminder of the deep wounds that can linger over time. The brothers’ relationship never truly healed through years punctured with missed opportunities that could have instead been forged into deep connection.
As Bruce looked back on his growing estrangement from Scott, Bruce started to dream of a reunion. The emotional burden was compounded as imaginings set in on what could occur if they did not fix things.
“I remember thinking: what if he suddenly died and I never had the chance to talk to him? I picked up the phone and counted down: 10, nine, eight, seven … thinking: shall I do it?” – Oliver
Whether the family can ever really heal from these deep wounds is a complicated and difficult question. Though some relationships can never completely heal, others have sought ways to forgiveness and understanding.
“I’ve always thought those who hold grudges or stay resentful harm themselves most. It’s so much more freeing and life-affirming to forgive,” – Oliver