Hester and Fred have gone through an incredible amount of trouble in their tangle of a relationship. After many years apart, they’ve come back together at last. Two years ago, the married couple decided to pursue romance again. The distance allowed them both to reevaluate what they wanted and how they felt about each other. While they were separated, Fred admitted to Hester that he had started another relationship, awakening jealous, as well as possessive, desires in Hester. This discovery propelled them into an important inflection point on their path. So they started reconsidering their partnership as well as their personal needs.
Fred disclosed he had developed a second romantic interest during their initial break. This admission triggered feelings of jealousy that Hester had never experienced in such magnitude. The two women had developed an extraordinary bond with Fred. That bond was at a high when she was crying into his lap at the place setting. This incident really brought home to her the depth of her feelings and her strong attachment to him. Hester’s emotional conflict was acute. Even with all the struggle, she admitted that their connection remained deeply important to her.
Even though time and again, Hester and Fred found their plans derailed by unforeseen challenges. In particular, challenges in communication. Just a few years into their marriage, they found themselves at an eventual end to transparency. They admitted they had a really hard time expressing their feelings and often avoided tough conversations. This lack of communication took a toll on their intimacy, with both partners at times feeling like they were living with a stranger. Given Hester’s up-and-down hormones, her sex drive was all over the place which only added to their tumultuous relationship.
The time away gave Hester the opportunity to explore her newfound sexual agency, an empowering concept that she found liberating. At one point, sex was a gauge on how well her relationship with Fred was going. These days, she’s warm to the notion that her wish for sex need not be linked to their emotional intimacy. This fresh, welcome approach moves away from the idea that there’s a certain pressure to engage sexually, and instead toward recognizing one’s needs and desires.
Fred’s method at the start of their romance was emotionally flat. He frequently tried to make sex the main event instead of having deeper conversations about feelings and worries. Counterintuitively, this pattern made Hester’s insecurities of yesteryear come rushing back. In her mind, their sexual encounters set the tone for the whole of their relationship. That time away allowed Tessa to reexamine her approach. She understood that her need for physical closeness might fluctuate, independent of her feeling of love and attachment to Fred.
On reuniting, Hester discovered that their break had miraculously restored their once languishing sex life. That space made all the difference. It opened space for both of them to think deeply about what they loved in each other and their relationship. Hester’s time away from Fred on break gave her the space needed to feel confident and clear about her decision not to end up with him. Her jealousy dissipated when he shared stories of his encounters with other women. Rather than waiting around to be chosen, she harnessed her inner Beyoncé and began courting HIM.
Hester found she felt most connected to Fred post-argument. Through their process, even when they disagreed, they cultivated a greater respect and understanding for each other. Their willingness to share the tough truths and mutual trust in how to relay that information forged a stronger partnership. Hester today views conflict resolution as a path to greater understanding, not a punishment.