The nature of intimacy in relationships has changed a lot in recent years, especially among young adults. Read on for some important findings from our new report. During this century, the proportion of young adults living with their parents has increased by more than a third. This trend mirrors larger societal forces that are shaping romantic relationships, particularly for couples moving into the journey of parenthood. Experts in sex therapy, like Dr.
Jodie Slee, a seasoned sex therapist with 16 years of experience, and Michelle Bassam, a psychological and sexual therapist with 25 years of experience, provide insights on how couples can navigate intimacy amidst the pressures of raising children. Few things can put a couple’s passions to the test like having young children. So, it’s important to find other mechanisms to fan and sustain that spark.
Slee shares how it’s absolutely possible for the child-rearing years to not mark the end of romantic pursuits. She explains that many couples come in for therapy to revitalize their sexual experience with each other. Health impacts, astonishingly, even when their relationship is already “spicy.”
“It’s essential for parents to understand that they can remain intimate during the challenging phases of parenting,” Slee states.
The first years of parenthood presents compound risks for couples—not just sexually but in maintaining an emotional bond. Throughout the book, Slee and Bassam emphasize how sharing responsibilities makes a big difference—especially to feeling connected. Shared and equal responsibilities for childcare and housework are key. Slee elaborates, saying, “So that one person is not doing all the night feeds and the labour.”
Additionally, Bassam will often make a case for being tactile during the day as an approach to stay connected. She recommends soft cues including hand-holding and stroking as a way to build closeness during the day.
You can keep that feeling of closeness going during the day by being touchy-feely, she notes.
Beyond the benefits of physical touch, when it comes to sex, replanning for important sex helps take pressure off after dry spells. Scheduling intimate time can help couples prioritize their connection rather than viewing it as a chore. Slee explains this perspective shift: “You’re not scheduling; you’re prioritizing, and you’re showing one another that it’s important.”
Mental aspects of intimacy are just as important. Slee also discusses the ways that motherhood comes under scrutiny for body image and appearance, which can damage sexual desire as well. “Motherhood is not portrayed as a sexy thing,” she says. Recognizing these feelings and learning how to respond can make for healthier and happier intimate relationships.
Bassam encourages finding a healthy mix of self-care and fulfilling your duties as a parent. “I think it’s OK for parents to be a little bit selfish,” she says. Faith leaders in the movement see this as a profound expression countering the martyr mentality. The myth leads countless parents to feel that they must suffer to provide all there is to their kids.
“Parents have a responsibility, one would hope, to hide the bedroom side of things,” Bassam adds. She argues kids and teens deserve to experience an example of good intimacy. Through meaningful conversations with their teens, parents can lead by example.
Therapists suggest doing little things to show you’re curious about your partner’s life and day-to-day activities. These small gestures go a long way to creating a deeper bond. Bassam affirms that “showing interest in your partner can be enough” to strengthen intimacy.
As young adults navigate the demanding roles of parenthood while trying to sustain romantic relationships, experts encourage open communication about desires and challenges. They encourage couples to collaboratively identify their needs and understand how changing roles will affect their bond.