Grandparents are taking on interesting and important new roles as family members. Many others are still figuring out how to weather the pressures of long-standing expectations to provide childcare. Dr. Terri Apter, a renowned psychologist and author of “Grandparenting: On Love and Relationships Across Generations,” highlights the complexities of this generational responsibility. She notes how more women are delaying their first child into their 30s. Yet those who become first-time grandparents today are older than ever, and they have less energy and more health needs.
In London, where Dr. Apter now lives, it’s not unusual to spot doting grandparents taking an active role in the care and feeding of their grandkids. They bustle with baby buggies or watch toddlers on swings in community parks, denoting their identity to family contacts. This trend isn’t unique to the UK. In Madrid, grandparents are a generation of willing and engaged caretakers. This rich tapestry of family life underscores a unique cultural norm in which caregiving roles are passed down through the generations.
As columnist Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, known for her work in The Guardian, has explored in her writing, there’s a subtlety to what it means to grandparent. She finds that progressive grandmothers often lead the way in offering childcare assistance. They channel their recent lived experiences of family crisis to inform their work. They know how to walk the tightrope of being loving caregivers while still being their own people.
One of these ţānbāyīs is Carmen Díez, a Spanish abuela who makes the most of her empty-nest tranquility. Her sentiments illustrate a growing sentiment among some grandparents who are increasingly resistant to the expectation of providing daily childcare. In Spain, 35% of the population over age 65 provide care for their grandchildren multiple days a week. This casts a deep chasm between those who are willing to adopt this expanded role and those who wish to take back their private time.
In fact, historical cultural expectations in Spain have long valued intergenerational support. That’s all starting to change as more grandparents stand up against the expectation to care for grandchildren around the clock. Most retirees are often shocked and disappointed when they’re asked or required to assist with childcare duties. This burden can erode the family life they had long looked forward to enjoying in retirement.
Statistical data underscores this generational shift. A 2016 Europe-wide survey revealed that only 18% of individuals over 65 in the UK engaged in regular childcare compared to a significant 35% in Spain. This disparity illustrates the wide range of cultural views towards grandparenting within Europe. In more southern European countries such as Italy and Greece this is even more the case, as older generations are the mainstay of their childcare infrastructures.
Without reservation, Dr. Apter stresses that grandparents all over the world are overwhelmed with the responsibility given to them. After dedicating decades to their careers and raising their children, they often did not anticipate spending their retirement years engaged in unpaid childcare. This leaves us with two fundamental questions: how long can this level of expectation be sustained and at what cost to the health of grandfamilies?
As families start to adjust to this new normal, it’s important to understand the diverse perspectives of grandparents. While many will enjoy their newfound ability to spend more moments with their grandchildren, many others will be disheartened to bear the bulk of the care alone. Couple the emotional toll with the effects of physical health issues and it is easy to understand the need for a sense of independence.