The very nature of adulthood is shifting beneath our feet. More than half of all young adults have decided to return to the roost. Today, nearly two-thirds—61%—of young adults ages 18 to 24 with parents at home are men. What’s more, almost 43% of 25-year-olds in the UK still live with their parents too. Independence The driving forces behind this trend, as well as the new meaning independence is taking on, merit further examination.
The economic, personal, and social motivations behind young adults’ returns to the nest are numerous and rarely straightforward. Breakups in relationships and crises in employment have been mentioned as two leading inspirations. As young professionals find themselves up against an increasingly unwelcoming workforce, others are deciding that their best bet is the soft landing of their parental abode. Julia, a San Antonio mother of two, speaks to her oldest son’s success. As a result, he became one of the few in his university cohort to receive a high skilled job offer. Having left university without a job, he’s gone back home—like many of his young peers in the world.
Kate’s experience reminds us that there is an emotional side to this phenomenon, which Kate too often faced. Her only son, 19, is studying at university in Birmingham. He now commutes back and forth from home, where he has the benefit of the close familial support amid this stormy period. Kate’s experience watching her son deal with anxiety symptoms as the end of the school year approached. Knowing that he didn’t have to move out at 18 provided him with a lot of comfort and security.
Amidst these challenges though, many parents are taking these challenges in stride, working around this new way of life with creative solutions. Julia thinks she’ll start charging her son rent, on meals, laundry and home cleaning as well. This first-in-the-nation approach recognizes the value of young adults learning to share the load of household tasks.
Back in London, Barbara faces a more personal but equally formidable obstacle. Now her twenty-three year old twins, just graduated from college, have moved back home to look for work. Here’s her great advice for parents going through the empty nest phase. She documents it as “agony” and the toughest season she has ever endured. She admits that the world is no longer the same as when she was a child.
“Just because we were able to go out and rent and then buy a property [at that age] doesn’t mean that’s something they have to do. I say to them: ‘There’s lots of things you have that we didn’t.’ The world is different. It helps that all their mates are in the same position.” – Barbara
With this knowledge, Barbara fears the effects of extended co-residency on her children’s growth. She states, “It’s not even childhood going on longer; it’s a different type of adulthood.” We know that millions of parents feel this way. They fear that their kids are losing out on critical adulting skills that can only be gained through the experience of living on your own.
Kate has the same fears, that her children won’t be able to learn these skills that are so critical. She confesses that she had gone into it thinking she would show them rudimentary cooking and domestic skills. For convenience’s sake, however, she almost always defaults to doing it herself. I opened with, ‘Okay, we’re gonna learn how to make a stir-fry,’ but the reality is I still do freaking everything. It’s just easier,” she explains.
Fiona’s return home at the age of 37 was fueled by unexpected circumstances after her partner’s death. Returning to live with her parents provided Shalise with emotional support. It allowed her to get through a difficult period in her life. Fiona’s story illustrates the power of being able to return to the family home as a safety net when dealing with difficult times.
“Moving back in was such an eye opener, seeing your parents as adults from an adult perspective.” – Fiona
The fallout from this trend goes far beyond just each affected family. A study by Professor Emily Grundy reveals that many young people living independently face unstable housing situations, leading to additional stressors in their lives. This insecurity frequently leaves them with little choice but to return home to roost in their parents’ nests.
As young adults move back home, family dynamics always change. For families like Robert’s, it has fostered a positive and collaborative environment. Today, they both face job interviews and other career obstacles side by side. Robert isn’t ashamed to say that he and his wife are both fearful and do not want to leave their kids to encounter these challenges by themselves.
“If he was 18 I’d be much more involved, but I’m trying not to be – I’m trying to be interested in what he does, but to draw that line. He doesn’t like being told what to do.” – Robert
For families with children like Kate’s, the pandemic has changed these connections in profound ways. Kate pitches it perfectly when she says that lockdowns ended up trapping families in really small spaces. This forced environment made them learn to rather endure each other during extreme conditions.
“You know how we had lockdown, and everyone was around each other all the time? Well, we’re used to it. We’re used to being a unit in some ways; we really learned how to tolerate each other in quite intense circumstances,” – Kate
While many parents express mixed feelings about adult children returning home, they recognize the importance of providing support during uncertain times. Times of great global upheaval have led to substantial shifts in the global order. Today, our young people face pressures that no previous generation endured.