Even worse at record lows in England, Scotland, & Wales. This historic drop has led to a national conversation about what is affecting Americans’ choices to become parents. Though much of the debate has been centered around women’s reproductive choices to have children, the male perspective has been largely overlooked. This underlying gap in understanding further illustrates how complex men’s fertility decisions are, where societal expectations and economic realities are tragically interwoven.
Tom, a 38-year-old construction worker, is a perfect example of this catch-22. Now on universal credit after losing his job, he thinks back on what he hoped for when he became a father. He has been living on his own since he was 18 years old. When he was 25 he thought having a child was something he could have, but now it seems out of reach. “You don’t have an infinite amount of time to get to know someone well enough to know really in your heart of hearts whether you want to spend the rest of your life raising a child with them,” he states. Tom’s experience underscores a crucial aspect of parenthood: the timing and stability required to start such a significant life journey.
Dr. Joe Strong, a demographer at Queen Mary University of London, notes that decisions surrounding parenthood are far from simple. “There is no one size fits all explanation for men’s fertility decisions,” he explains. He is quick to point out that all different contexts, all different demographic groups, play into these choices. The increasing unpredictability of the labor market, meanwhile, makes it more difficult for men to meet the societal pressure to be the breadwinner. This new pressure makes their decisions around fatherhood more difficult.
The narrative surrounding fertility is evolving. Not only are couples today more likely to be similar in age than their counterparts from earlier generations, but university-educated men are delaying becoming fathers more than ever. A recent study indicated that a British woman who reaches the age of 28 without children faces only a 50% chance of becoming a mother. This statistic highlights a broader trend: childlessness is on the rise even as many individuals express a desire for children.
Like Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, a columnist for The Guardian, I believe that it is time for society to stop perpetuating myths in our discussion of parenthood. Rather than only focusing on the question, “Why are women not having babies?” we should be asking, “Why are men not?” As a result, we might start to recognize the societal forces and obstacles affecting men’s decisions to have families in the first place.
Tom’s personal story is a window into these pressures. He had wanted to raise a family with his former partner, but her fear of becoming a mother proved devastating. Now he’s just trying to cope with what his life has become. He even questions if it is feasible to bring a child into this world. Do you want to know how difficult, how logistically, financially is it to have a child any more? It feels impossible. It doesn’t feel like for me. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be anytime soon,” he confesses.
Dr. Strong further supports the idea that men’s choices are not made in a vacuum. Today, he stresses, it’s men who are postponing reproduction. This trend has direct connections to the immense economic and social barriers women are experiencing right now. As the expectations society places on all parents change, so do the benefits that go along with parenthood.
Detailed information on male fertility in the UK and the majority of European countries hardly exists. This populism–technocracy gap brings a second layer of complexity to the debate. Stephen J Shaw, another prominent demographer who has studied childlessness and the birthrate crisis, emphasizes that understanding male perspectives is crucial for addressing broader demographic challenges.
The problem goes deeper than personalized decisions, digging into societal shifts that are creating challenges for both of the future parents. As financial pressures mount and social expectations change, many people are facing tough decisions about having children. For people like Tom, it’s an uphill battle. Soon their dreams of starting a family are replaced with anxiety and fears over whether they’ll be able to continue to provide for others.