Back home in Iraq, a disturbing pattern is developing. Just last month, the government passed a new law lowering the age of marriage to nine for girls. In so doing, this legislation brings attention to a harmful cultural norm that places young girls at great risk. In turn, they are repeatedly subjected to emotional and physical mistreatment. One woman’s harrowing experiences serve as an example of the damaging impacts of this law. Her story highlights some of the systemic issues rooted in early marriage here in the country.
At only 14 years old, this young woman was ensnared in a web of abuse and intimidation. Her father’s brutality endured, his beatings cruel, her father breaking a cane over her back. He discussed increasing his violence with implements such as a hammer and wrench. With a bone-clanking threat, he paralyzed her with terror. He threatened that if she did not stop opposing the marriage, he would take her to a relative’s village and drop her into a well.
The woman’s mother played a role in enforcing this oppressive environment, threatening to strangle her in her sleep if she did not comply with the family’s demands. These threats together resulted in her being married off to a 29-year-old man at the very young age of 13. Today, she has an evocative memory of crying and fighting this unwanted marriage, only to be shushed and shuffled away by those in power.
Unfortunately, her first kiss was far from romantic. It occurred with her much older spouse who had been helping her study with school subjects and then leaning in to kiss her. This moment, which could have been sweet and filled with adolescent infatuation, was soured by everything about the context. She did not want her first kiss to be with the person who would symbolize the end of her childhood.
Emotional manipulation became a daily factor in her marriage. Once each time she turned her husband’s advances down, he blamed her for it. Through his actions, her pursuit of autonomy over her own body turned into conviction-making—and this guy was the writer. This psychological Game of Chicken had inflicted some heavy emotional blackmail, the scars of which would take years to heal.
Education, one of the most important paths to empowerment, was taken from her as well. Her husband would not let her go to university and so he took away her chance to discover herself and establish that independence. Instead, he insisted she wear the abaya and niqab, further restricting her freedom and reinforcing traditional roles expected of women in their society.
This woman’s experience is not an outlier. It represents a disturbing trend faced by many adolescent girls across Iraq today. As the new law comes into effect, it raises questions about the safety and well-being of minors forced into marital arrangements. The stories of women like her serve as an early glimpse into what this law may mean for countless others facing similar fates.
After enduring three and a half years of marriage filled with disputes between their families, she eventually separated from her husband. This separation brought a new hopeful opportunity for her to get her life back. It made her address the fallout of everything she went through.