Pamela Stephenson Connolly, Pamela Connolly is a US-based, well-known psychotherapist. She’s the go-to specialist for sexual dysfunctions—this week, she counseled a confused married couple in an open marriage. The two were married for eight years. It was only recently, while on holiday, that they began getting into group sex and these deeper emotions arose unexpectedly.
In her new weekly Observer advice column, going online at The Guardian, Pamela was planning to take on just one reader-submitted question in each column. This week, we’re exploring the wild world of non-monogamy. Each partner’s decisions have triggered deep feelings of rage and abandonment in the other. The husband had invited another man to spend the night. The following day, he found himself in an awkward predicament when things began heating up between the third person and his own husband.
It was something the couple had both mutually decided to do. This decision allowed them the freedom to romance others outside the confines of their wedlock. It was the abrupt turn of events that took place throughout this meeting that opened conversation around boundaries and consent. The husband shared his rage about the situation, stirring debate over whether the man’s outrage was warranted.
Pamela touches on the essential need for clear communication when maintaining open relationships. She emphasizes that even if both partners decide to investigate their desires because they both deserve to be satisfied, a boundary should be drawn and honored. The husband is understandably hurt and feels betrayed. This feeling can come from a lack of communication around their needs and expectations when experimenting with group sex.
Readers can email their questions and short narratives of their troubles to Pamela at private.lives@theguardian.com. Please be advised that this email address cannot accept attachments. Pamela has built quite a legacy for herself providing smart and classy counsel at The Guardian. She supports people through the messy, overlapping emotional realities we all face with curious strength.
As more couples navigate the complexities of sexual intimacy, Pamela’s wisdom is an encouragement and guide to others who are or will be experiencing the same challenges. By peeling back the layers underneath the realities of relationships, her goal is to promote positive communication, understanding, and respect amongst partners.