One of the most alarming discoveries is that more than a quarter of British men say they have no close friends whatsoever. This grim development sheds light on the extensive male loneliness epidemic that has set itself in the UK. This disturbing figure calls attention both to the state of male friendships and the emotional burdens that hundreds of millions of men are carrying these days. Anthropologist Thomas Yarrow has spent the last several years studying male same-sex relationships. His work provides important lessons about the ways men bond and relate to each other.
Yarrow’s research, entitled “Rethinking male friendship and the value of personal reticence,” focuses on a group of older men who volunteered at a heritage steam railway in northern England. For four years, he studied their exchanges and the idiomatic culture of compression that informed their friendships. His results indicate that men may be able to spend more time with each other, but they still don’t spend time going deep into emotional or intimate discussions.
Yet for all of the commonality they share, so many middle-aged men appear to be teeming with rage and loneliness that they can’t even begin to explain. This emotional disconnect can have dire consequences. Men avoid going to the doctor, waiting until their health needs are vital before seeking medical attention. The impact goes well beyond health concerns. In the UK, male suicide rates are three times higher than females, emphasizing the need for inclusive spaces that encourage positive conversation.
Yarrow explains that the way men show love and affection tends to be different and goes against some of those norms. His point is that these friendships might not match up with standard expectations of emotional exchanges but are precious all the same.
“The strong and silent type of friendship among men isn’t bad or anachronistic, it’s just different,” – Thomas Yarrow
This observation resonates with everybody. That’s because they understand that guys are oftentimes incredibly candid when they share stories about their lives. Individuals might be reluctant to publicly express their love, but that doesn’t make their relationships any less profound. That’s because it illustrates how they connect deeply, profoundly, and beautifully.
Tashkin and other experts strongly urge against underestimating these differences or failing to raise awareness about them. Only by acknowledging these nuances can we develop more supportive environments for men. Facilitating conversations around mental health and emotional wellbeing is imperative.
More than ever, we recognize the dangers of untreated mental health conditions. If not more important, we need to confront the growing issue of male loneliness. The UK has a pipeline of support and exciting opportunities for those looking to benefit from it. If you’re experiencing feelings of suicide or self-harm, call the Samaritans at 116 123. You can reach them for free at 116 123 and provide a vital lifeline.
If you need support in Australia, please reach out to Lifeline at 13 11 14. If you’re located in the United States, please call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. All of these services above emphasize the urgency of reaching out. Together, they’re taking action to break down the stigma and barriers that keep men from talking about their emotional pain.
The discourse on male friendships is changing, likely as a consequence of changing social norms and expectations. Understanding that men may express love and care differently can help create spaces where they feel safe to share their feelings without fear of judgment.