It has been proven that many men and women may be suppressing undiscovered cravings. This finding may open the door to more profound emotional bonds in close relationships. A new poll conducted by our friend Dr. Justin Lehmiller of more than 4,000 Americans found that … In the latter question, over half of the respondents said they do have sexual fantasies. This means that a decent percentage of couples might find some compromise if they were more open about their preferences.
Lehmiller’s findings may debunk the biggest myth. Fantasies that the world has long branded as forbidden, such as BDSM or group sex, happen much more often than we could ever dream of. Even so, there continues to be a significant stinginess from couples when it comes to opening up their kinks, arousals, and feelings to each other. Unfortunately, this hesitance can prevent the creation of a satisfying sexual connection.
Fantasies provide great opportunities to practice open communication which, as many experts will tell you, is key to heightened intimacy. For example, people who disclose what they want sexually to their partners have better sexual pleasure. But as many of you know, too often, people hesitate to speak their minds.
To foster that exchange, Betty Martin suggests that we all practice playing games meant to encourage conversations about wants. One of the most well-known of these is the Yes/No/Maybe list. Using this framework can support both partners in safely and actively exploring their sexual needs and desires.
Participants in this game write down various sexual acts and scenarios, sorting them into three categories: “Yes,” “Maybe,” and “No.” This intentional framework provides an opportunity for people to communicate their passions and limits upfront.
“I think I’d like this and want to try it.”
“I’d be prepared to try this if the circumstances were right.”
“I never want to do this and I don’t want you to do it to me.”
The more players practice the easier they find the game. Born from this newfound confidence, they are able to seek out new experiences and add more variation to their sexual repertoire. Many women say they’ve never had the kind of touch they want, and so communication around pleasure is key.
Paul wraps up the insight by highlighting the importance of curiosity and goodwill in figuring out your partners’ wants. As he points out, unlike when we talk about our favorite cuisine or travel destination, the discussion around sexual orientation is just often not broached.
“We don’t say that for food, we don’t say that for traveling, we don’t say that for friends.”
Maya believes sex should be a more organic process that shouldn’t involve heavy dialogue. She offers the notion that intimacy is something that can just happen without expectations. As her partner writes about this point of view, just imagine how she would react to different moves in the bedroom.
“Oh, I wonder what she’ll think of this. How will this feel for her?”
The combination of fantastic sexual chemistry and fortunate sexual circumstances can lay a solid groundwork for a sexually satisfying experience. The true key to great sex lies in an often overlooked factor: communication about desires and boundaries.
This way of thinking can lead to walls that stop partners from delving into new depths or angles of their sexual relationship. Intimate co-creation Likewise, co-creation is a key aspect of partnered sex. It requires that all parties at the table persistently question, listen, and learn from one another.
“You’re not allowed to ask. That’s the whole point.”
Betty Martin’s Three-Minute Game provides another playful, creative approach to deepening sexual communication. In this exercise, partners take turns asking each other questions like:
This approach encourages participants to articulate their preferences clearly, fostering an environment where both partners feel safe to express their desires.
“How would you like me to touch you?”
“How would you like to touch me?”
This approach encourages participants to articulate their preferences clearly, fostering an environment where both partners feel safe to express their desires.